The tenants in my bellybutton pay the rent on time. That’s not the issue. They sometimes have parties. They sometimes smoke dope. No big deal. No, the problem is maintenance. I let the place go for far too long, And now they’re complaining. The tenants feel like they’re being squeezed out. They say that they can’t even enjoy their own meals anymore, Not without, “hanging on for dear life.” So dramatic. Personally, I think they’re exaggerating. Sure, I enjoy the occasional romp. I’m a young man. But I never sleep on my stomach. I’m very thoughtful that way. My wife says it’s creepy, Renting my bellybutton to strangers. I say, better to strangers than to family. Besides, she’s one to talk. All those tattoos.
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